Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Responsibly Irresponsible, or Irresponsibly Responsible?

I remember the moment I thought I was a grown up. It wasn't when I turned 18, like most people would think. I never felt grown up in college. Or even for a while after. I didn't feel like an adult until I was 22, working full time, paying rent, and paying back student loans. I thought it wasn't too bad. But I also still had a lot to learn about being an adult.

A few years later, I felt even more like an adult. I had more loans to pay back (thank you credential program), a car payment- plus all the other bills that seem to accumulate, a more than full-time job, and no roommates to help with cooking, cleaning, or utilities.

And when I have kids, I'll feel even more like an adult when suddenly I have to take care of someone other than myself, and have even more bills to pay, and even more things to do.

I'm wondering, how are adults supposed to function? It seems nearly impossible to work, exercise, eat right, do chores, and get a full night's sleep all in the same day. Something always has to give, and it never seems like a good thing. It seems that I always have to make a choice to be responsibly irresponsible (by giving things up and not getting everything done to preserve my health and sanity), or to be irresponsibly responsible (by doing it all, even if it wreaks havoc on my health and sanity).

I don't know which one I choose yet. All I know is work seems to have taken over my life lately (stupid report cards) and I'm sick.

And at the moment I envy the people who wake up at 6 to go to they gym, then breeze into work between 8:30 and 9:30 (because who's keeping track really?), think to themselves, "Golly gee, what am I going to find to do today?" and waltz out at 5 p.m. on the dot (or slightly earlier, because almost 5 is just as good right?) to head to their fancy cars to go home to their nice house with a landscaped backyard where they can eat their organic chicken and vegetables and then relax and watch their favorite cable TV shows before going to bed and dreaming about their next vacation. I won't envy them when it's summer time and I'm by the pool and they are stuck at their computers... at least I don't think so.